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Tuesday, 15 April 2008

Being a Mother in Law

Do some of my 'wannabe' chatroom buddies remember a few months ago when I turned into a fire-breathing dragon when our nearly-20-year old Technoson brought a girl we didn't know back to stay in his room without asking?

I was furious with him, but despite not knowing his girlfriend before I clapped eyes on her at 11.00 am the following morning, in the intervening months I've warmed to her. I can see she makes Technoson very happy, and he does let her stick her cold feet up his sweatshirt to warm them, so it must be love!

Last night Technoson and Girlfriend took us out for a meal. It was totally unexpected - I didn't know anything about it until I got home from work at about 5.30.

Afterwards, we were just finishing our drinks when they went all serious, and said, 'ummm ... errr ... we've got something to tell you.'

I feared the worst. Technoson's whole life, past present and future, flashed before my eyes in a split second!

'We're engaged,' said Techoson, doe-eyed and obviously gone very soft in the head judging by the silly grin plastered all over his face.

(They're only babies! How can my little Twinkle be engaged. We haven't even met her parents yet and now we find ourselves with a joint-family engagement party to organise.)

Their birthdays are only two days apart in the middle of May - so that's when it will be official.

Last Friday night Technoson apparently did everything properly and asked her dad if he could marry her. I had to laugh at what her dad was reported to have said to him:

'Well mate. You're the best of the bunch, so I guess I'd better say yes. She's been out with some right twerps before you.'

Apparently, according to the Girlfriend, that was a rare compliment, and Technoson should be highly honoured! I somehow think Rob will get on very well with her dad.

Now, to get to the point of this post:

Being a mother-in-law to your daughter's husband is easy. It just feels like you've adopted another son. When Little Miss Prim and son-in-law-to-be told us they were getting engaged it didn't feel like this. I didn't feel like I was losing my daughter in the slightest.

Can someone tell me why I feel like I am losing my son? Is this what is meant by the saying:

A boy is a son until he takes a wife....

... but a daughter is a daughter for the rest of her life?

They're planning on getting married in three years' time when they're 23. Part of me is screaming that they are far too young - but deep down I don't really think age comes into it. A marriage will either survive, or it won't. If they both feel it's right then it probably is.

I just want them to be happy.


Denise said...

I think women are just much more independant than men and therefore daughters separate themselves from their parents much earlier than sons. When I moved in with Scott (aged 21) I was amazed how much his Mum still did for him, despite having his own house. His Sister (2 years younger than him) popped home from time to time but was nowhere near as dependant. I think my mother in law went through something similar with me, but after a couple of months seemed to realise that their relationship hadn't really changed, and now he was doing his own washing!

I got married at 23, seemes like a good age to me! I think they're wise to wait though, 20 does seem so much younger.

KAREN said...

On my goodness, I'm struggling enough with Teen son having his first girlfriend (he's 16) and Teen daughter finishing her A levels next month...I can't even contemplate the idea of them getting married!! I know it's got to happen one day, but they're my babies for heaven's sake. Plus, each milestone that comes along means I'm getting old...

Isn't there also a saying about not losing a son so much as gaining a daughter-in-law? I know what you mean though :o)

Lane said...

Aw Annie! CONGRATULATIONS to Technoson. His fiance is going to have a complete gem of a mother-in-law. She's a very lucky girl.

I'm sure you're not losing a son, though I can imagine it feels like it. You're expanding your family:-)

Tom Foolery said...

I cannot add any words of wisdom here, because I'm neither wordy or wise:) But Annie,Congratulations and celebrations. TFX

HelenMH said...

Aaaahhh x That's all I can say!

Debs said...

Congratulations to your son.

I shouldn't worry too much about losing him though, if my two husbands are anything to go by. Despite both men being completely different characters they are both v close to their mothers.

motherx said...

I can understand how you feel but you are right, as long as they are both happy. 23 is young though, but if they are sure then thats great!

Quillers said...

Oh Annieye you have all my empathy here. My 23 year old son married someone 7 years older than himself, which made him seem even more of a baby to me. My daughter married at 19 (but so did I so I couldn't say anything). It's so hard to let them go, but yes, the old saying is quite true. ... until they have a row when he'll be your boy again ;-)