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Wednesday, 5 August 2009

Things I Have Noticed About Writers

I haven't a hope in hell of adding anything constructive to Debs's brilliant review of Caerleon so I thought I'd share ten of my little observations about writers - mostly gleaned during my week in Wales.

1. All writers are extremely clumsy and drop/spill/throw/trip over/bump into things everywhere, all the time.
2. Writers do not appear to know left from right and have absolutely no sense of direction, wandering aimlessly through wrong corridors and getting distracted by other writers at every turn or in every doorway
3. Writers' bags are all very heavy - without exception
4. Getting food into a writer's mouth without spillage is nigh-on impossible (gravy on white skirt, beetroot on yellow top, lasagne on sleeve, superglue-like substance in hair, something white and slimy on sandal and something sticky in handbag - and that was just the first day)
5. Packing a case with suitable clothes is a definite no-no for a writer. A gloomy weather forecast, torrential rain and chilly temperatures ought to, by rights, equal more than one long-sleeved top and something more substantial than open sandals. I felt quite uplifted when I discovered there were at least a dozen other writers in the same predicament!
6. Writers don't always carry pens. I couldn't quite believe this until I was asked by someone if they could borrow my pen - and guess what - I didn't have one!
7. Writers tell fascinating stories and then forget (a) what time of day it is, (b) what course they are supposed to be on, and (c) what their husband's name is
8. Writing is classless, ageless and some writers are very witty and funny indeed (I'm not one of them)
9. Published, successful writers make it all seem so easy - and it's really not!
10. Writers take their shoes off under tables.
11. Writers are all very nice people and make friends easily
12. Writers, without exception, display varying degrees of contempt for numbers and can't count to save their lives. (Oh dear, I have twelve points - well, never mind - it's near enough).


L-Plate Author said...

Oh Annie, that did make me giggle. I'm Ms Accident Prone Extraordinaire...

I don't however have a heavy handbag, I only go for smaller ones but I have noticed them creeping up in size over the years....and yes, we're all nice people.

So glad you had a good time x

Debs said...

It was great to finally meet up with you and your lovely friend Heather. I had such a great time and it was made the more fun chatting with you.

Love your points, all twelve are so true too.

HelenMHunt said...

Sounds great. I really want to go to Caerleon next year. Maybe I should start saving now.

Denise said...

I'm sitting in Starbucks giggling at your list. I brought my very heavy bag, almost bumped into an old lady on the way, and was just picking some of my lunch off my lap as I began reading this. However, the staff in here are used to me and will probably just chalk up the laughing to yet another oddity of the woman who eats lunch in here far too often! Glad you had such a good time.

Anonymous said...

Writers are not the only types who spill things. I've also noticed that photographers do this too {waves at Heather}.

I disagree with your last point (12). I'm actually quite good with numbers. Perhaps I'm not really a writer.

Tam said...

I like numbers as long as they are small. But I like letters better :-)
Glad you had a great time at Caerleon.

Annieye said...

L-Plate. (Giggles) One writer at Caerleon arrived at the dinner table in an almost tumble, complete with loaded tray, and said 'oh dear, I appear to have tripped over something that wasn't there'.

Debs - Can't wait till next year now. (Get that m/s out there, woman!)

Helen - Oh, please do! It would be lovely if you came next year.

Denise - ditto. Poor Kevin passed me my bag over the dinner table and nearly broke his wrist with the weight of it.

Captain - Heather waved back. Obviously there are some Numberjack Writers out there, but I bet they are few and far between.

Tam - numbers are sooooo boring compared to words, sentences and paragraphs, aren't they?

Anonymous said...

That made me laugh Annie:) did number 1 remind you of anyone by any chance? Have to agree about the pen one too!

Fia said...

This is such a great post and you are most witty and funny.

How reasuring to discover that I'm not the only clumsy, forgetful and bad at maths person.

mantr said...

dublin b and bclaim for insurance
That's life, funny as it seems.
Some people get their kicks,
Steppin' on dreams
But I just can't let it get me down,
Cause this big old world keeps spinnin' around.

trungvkvk said...

i like it.
Spanisch ├╝bersetzerBirmingham coach hire
For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful baby
You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through through it all

amantr said...

clases particulares de ingl├ęs en Madridsystem integration
I ran into a friend of yours the other day
And I asked her how you've been
She said my girl is fine; just bought a house, got a job, real good man
I told her I was glad for you; that's wonderful
But does she ever ask 'bout me?
She said she's happy with her life right now
Let her go, let her be
And I told myself I would, but something in my heart just would not let you go
I just want to know